I know what tardy means. I’m not dumb. However, when I was a teenager working my first job for gas money and a God-awful thirty-rack of the cheapest/worst beer money could buy, the word Tardy almost cost me my $200 every-2-week livelihood.
I was working the counter at a well-known fast food franchise, when I saw an older model, fairly beat up green Honda something-or-another pulled up in the parking lot. The bass coming out of that car was literally rattling my chest as well as the windows. The person gets out, tosses his cigarette and starts walking towards the door. He stops maybe 3 feet from the glass door, reaches his hand in his insane baggy and low wasted pants and pulls out a pager. He held this pager over his head, and stared at it for probably 5 minutes without moving a muscle. He finally holsters his pager and proceeded through the doors. In walks this caucasian male with his pants wayyyyy below his belt line, his hat on sideways, and the most ridiculous fake gold chain around his neck. He limped up to the counter (I don’t know why, he was walking fine literally seconds before), look directly into my face and said “Sup G? Y’all got fish up in here?”. I responded by telling him that we had a fish sandwich. He then looks at me, and says “oh hell yeah dog! Fix me up one of them, and slap a tonna tardy sauce up on that bitch!” I looked at him and said tardy sauce? To which to my surprise, he responded “Did I stutter?” in a pretty aggressive tone. I had to go into the back and laugh, and while I’m back there, this girl “Kink” I was working with at the time, asked me what was so funny. I told her to go take the guy up fronts order. She walked up there, and he told her that he already put in his order but since I wasn’t listening, he wanted a “fish sandwich”, and once again said he wanted “a bunch a tardy sauce slapped up on that bitch!” Without missing a beat, Kink said:
Wonderful, so a fish sandwich with extra tardy on it, your total is……
By this time, I am just rolling! I can’t hide my laughter anymore. This guy, new exactly what I was laughing at. and since where I worked customers could “have it their way”, his way was to try to come into the back through the side door so he could have a word with me or as he put it “throwdown with my punk ass”. The manager on duty caught wind of this, and once again this was a restaurant where the customer was always right, so she gave me the option of either termination, re-training with this stack of horrible VHS training videos, or I could go home for the day. At the time I needed the money, I think a 12 of Meister Brau was almost within my reach at this point during my work week, so, I decided to watch the training videos again; I think I had to watch those videos on at least 4 separate occasions. Anyway, got my paycheck a week or so later, and not once since then, have I heard the word tardy and not thought of that green Honda whatever-it-was.